Friday, May 26, 2006
Hard habit to break
I wish I had a digital camera right now so I can post a picture of me sitting in my old chair in my old cube in MANUAL I passed by to get some stuff from the office and by chance, my replacement was out for the day. I wanted to hang out, which is why I'm here.
It's sort of frightening, really, how familiar everything still is. I can feel the old habits and usual routine kicking in, even though I haven't really occupied this desk for a month now. Even my ex-officemates have been commenting that it feels so right that I'm here. It's like I never left, they said. I don't know how that makes me feel. On the one hand, I'm glad that I'm so much a part of a community of creative and supportive people that my loss has been so marked, and that sitting here still feels...right, somehow; but at the same time it makes me feel strange. Because I already left. Shouldn't that have marked me, made me different? Apparently not.
But then again, I occupied this chair and this position for close to five years and being here still feels natural. I obviously haven't gotten this office out of my system. And I don't think I ever will. But that's OK. As hokey as it sounds, this office and this post have taught me a lot--about being a better writer, a more intuitive editor--and made me a better person. (Just dealing with all sorts of crazy people and situations over the past five years has done much to improve my people skills, believe me!) and I guess for that, this office and MANUAL will always be part of what I am and what I will be.
What I'm reading now: Step Across This Line: Collected Nonfiction, 1992-2002, Salman Rushdie. Some choice quotes:
"Beware the writer who sets himself or herself up as the voice of a nation. this includes the nations of race, gender, sexual orientation, elective affinity. This is the New Behalfism. Beware behalfies!"
"History has become debatable. In the aftermath of Empire, in the age of super-power, under the "footprint" of the partisan simplifications beamed down to us from satellites, we can no longer easily agree on what is the case, let alone what it might mean. Literature steps into this ring. Historians, media moguls, politicians do not care for the intruder, but the intruder is a stubborn sort. In this ambiguous atmosphere, upon this trampled earth, in these muddy waters, there is work for him to do."
--Both quotes from the essay "Notes on Writing and the Nation"
It's sort of frightening, really, how familiar everything still is. I can feel the old habits and usual routine kicking in, even though I haven't really occupied this desk for a month now. Even my ex-officemates have been commenting that it feels so right that I'm here. It's like I never left, they said. I don't know how that makes me feel. On the one hand, I'm glad that I'm so much a part of a community of creative and supportive people that my loss has been so marked, and that sitting here still feels...right, somehow; but at the same time it makes me feel strange. Because I already left. Shouldn't that have marked me, made me different? Apparently not.
But then again, I occupied this chair and this position for close to five years and being here still feels natural. I obviously haven't gotten this office out of my system. And I don't think I ever will. But that's OK. As hokey as it sounds, this office and this post have taught me a lot--about being a better writer, a more intuitive editor--and made me a better person. (Just dealing with all sorts of crazy people and situations over the past five years has done much to improve my people skills, believe me!) and I guess for that, this office and MANUAL will always be part of what I am and what I will be.
What I'm reading now: Step Across This Line: Collected Nonfiction, 1992-2002, Salman Rushdie. Some choice quotes:
"Beware the writer who sets himself or herself up as the voice of a nation. this includes the nations of race, gender, sexual orientation, elective affinity. This is the New Behalfism. Beware behalfies!"
"History has become debatable. In the aftermath of Empire, in the age of super-power, under the "footprint" of the partisan simplifications beamed down to us from satellites, we can no longer easily agree on what is the case, let alone what it might mean. Literature steps into this ring. Historians, media moguls, politicians do not care for the intruder, but the intruder is a stubborn sort. In this ambiguous atmosphere, upon this trampled earth, in these muddy waters, there is work for him to do."
--Both quotes from the essay "Notes on Writing and the Nation"
// posted by terrie @ 6:29 PM 
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hey cecille,
how are you? we have been kind of lazy in updating our blog, if you haven't noticed yet, but expect more stuff in the coming days (I hope...girls, girls, girls???). interesting blog you've got too (thanks, cayie). We're doing well, the four of us still weirdo friends (he he he).
how are you? we have been kind of lazy in updating our blog, if you haven't noticed yet, but expect more stuff in the coming days (I hope...girls, girls, girls???). interesting blog you've got too (thanks, cayie). We're doing well, the four of us still weirdo friends (he he he).
Cecille Soria?!!
OMG! What's up with you, girl? Are you a rich lawyer na? No, wait. Di ka pa pala nagbabar right? :) Thanks for visiting our humble blog. We're still all crazy, hehehe...
OMG! What's up with you, girl? Are you a rich lawyer na? No, wait. Di ka pa pala nagbabar right? :) Thanks for visiting our humble blog. We're still all crazy, hehehe...
Rich lawyer? More like destitute bum. Nag-aaral ako for the bar (that will be our secret). That is, when am not surfing the net and blogging.
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