Friday, May 26, 2006
Hard habit to break
I wish I had a digital camera right now so I can post a picture of me sitting in my old chair in my old cube in MANUAL I passed by to get some stuff from the office and by chance, my replacement was out for the day. I wanted to hang out, which is why I'm here.
It's sort of frightening, really, how familiar everything still is. I can feel the old habits and usual routine kicking in, even though I haven't really occupied this desk for a month now. Even my ex-officemates have been commenting that it feels so right that I'm here. It's like I never left, they said. I don't know how that makes me feel. On the one hand, I'm glad that I'm so much a part of a community of creative and supportive people that my loss has been so marked, and that sitting here still feels...right, somehow; but at the same time it makes me feel strange. Because I already left. Shouldn't that have marked me, made me different? Apparently not.
But then again, I occupied this chair and this position for close to five years and being here still feels natural. I obviously haven't gotten this office out of my system. And I don't think I ever will. But that's OK. As hokey as it sounds, this office and this post have taught me a lot--about being a better writer, a more intuitive editor--and made me a better person. (Just dealing with all sorts of crazy people and situations over the past five years has done much to improve my people skills, believe me!) and I guess for that, this office and MANUAL will always be part of what I am and what I will be.
What I'm reading now: Step Across This Line: Collected Nonfiction, 1992-2002, Salman Rushdie. Some choice quotes:
"Beware the writer who sets himself or herself up as the voice of a nation. this includes the nations of race, gender, sexual orientation, elective affinity. This is the New Behalfism. Beware behalfies!"
"History has become debatable. In the aftermath of Empire, in the age of super-power, under the "footprint" of the partisan simplifications beamed down to us from satellites, we can no longer easily agree on what is the case, let alone what it might mean. Literature steps into this ring. Historians, media moguls, politicians do not care for the intruder, but the intruder is a stubborn sort. In this ambiguous atmosphere, upon this trampled earth, in these muddy waters, there is work for him to do."
--Both quotes from the essay "Notes on Writing and the Nation"
It's sort of frightening, really, how familiar everything still is. I can feel the old habits and usual routine kicking in, even though I haven't really occupied this desk for a month now. Even my ex-officemates have been commenting that it feels so right that I'm here. It's like I never left, they said. I don't know how that makes me feel. On the one hand, I'm glad that I'm so much a part of a community of creative and supportive people that my loss has been so marked, and that sitting here still feels...right, somehow; but at the same time it makes me feel strange. Because I already left. Shouldn't that have marked me, made me different? Apparently not.
But then again, I occupied this chair and this position for close to five years and being here still feels natural. I obviously haven't gotten this office out of my system. And I don't think I ever will. But that's OK. As hokey as it sounds, this office and this post have taught me a lot--about being a better writer, a more intuitive editor--and made me a better person. (Just dealing with all sorts of crazy people and situations over the past five years has done much to improve my people skills, believe me!) and I guess for that, this office and MANUAL will always be part of what I am and what I will be.
What I'm reading now: Step Across This Line: Collected Nonfiction, 1992-2002, Salman Rushdie. Some choice quotes:
"Beware the writer who sets himself or herself up as the voice of a nation. this includes the nations of race, gender, sexual orientation, elective affinity. This is the New Behalfism. Beware behalfies!"
"History has become debatable. In the aftermath of Empire, in the age of super-power, under the "footprint" of the partisan simplifications beamed down to us from satellites, we can no longer easily agree on what is the case, let alone what it might mean. Literature steps into this ring. Historians, media moguls, politicians do not care for the intruder, but the intruder is a stubborn sort. In this ambiguous atmosphere, upon this trampled earth, in these muddy waters, there is work for him to do."
--Both quotes from the essay "Notes on Writing and the Nation"
Friday, May 05, 2006
One is the loneliest number
No, I'm not angsting...well, maybe a bit. Last Friday was my last day at MMPI and the editorial people threw a surprise party for me. I was so touched! Didn't expect a send-off because I've been pretty vocal all week about preferring not to have one. I hate goodbyes and didn't want anyone to know I'm such a crybaby, I guess. But of course, they went ahead and planned one anyway at the local dive on Emerald (90proof). Turned out to be a great party. They made me a scrapbook with all their good-luck messages and letters and pictures. I have to admit that I cried. Kasi naman eh! My friends started crying and it's been scientifically proven that crying can be contagious. Really. Well, I'm sticking to that story, anyway.
My last day couldn't have come at a worse time, actually. It seems that the lives of my nearest and dearest are all in flux. Carrie was in Oz, Ka was leaving for Singapore, Isa was in CDO, another friend just relocated to Cebu for a job, one was in London and other friends were either not in the country or shortly about to leave for somewhere. I was getting abandonment issues!
So what will I be doing with my life now that I've shaken the dust of Manual off my feet? Well, on to the next job, of course. Although not for several weeks, I guess. Much still needs to be discussed and I'm waiting for word on this. Wish I could make a living writing part-time. A friend once mentioned a travel magazine she wants me to have a role in. Now, that would be an ideal job! Writing for a travel magazine. You get the best of both worlds--traveling at somebody else's expense and the pleasure of coming home. That's the best part, I think.
What I'm watching right now: NUMB3RS. "Math is nature's language. Its method of communicating with us. Everything is numbers."--Dr. Charles Eppes. What an eye-opener! This is a series about an FBI special agent (Rob Morrow--the neurotic Dr. Fleishmann in Northern Exposure, hands down one of the best TV series for me) who gets his genius math professor younger brother, Charlie (David Krumholtz--Mr. Universe in Serenity, and Heath Ledger's sidekick in 10 Things I Hate About You) help him solve crimes. (BTW, as a digression: I also loved these two movies. Serenity is from Joss Whedon the guy who gave us Buffy the Vampire Slayer and 10 Things was I think a pretty decent adaptation of The Bard's Taming of the Shrew.) I particularly like it when the math genius in the show, Dr. Charlie Eppes, explains complicated mathematical concepts even a numbers-challenged moron like me can understand. This show brings out my very well-hidden inner math nerd. And one thing? For eye-candy, I can do worse than Rob Morrow and David Krumholtz. Apparently fans of the show feel the same. In some for this show, the jeans that Rob wears when the FBI goes on a raid even has a name: The Jeans of Justice!
What I'm reading now: The Moonstone by Wilkie Collins. Carrie's been raving about this book so when I saw it at a Booksale in Megamall for P50, I grabbed it. I'm just in the first chapter but it seems like a suck-you-in read. Just what I like.
My last day couldn't have come at a worse time, actually. It seems that the lives of my nearest and dearest are all in flux. Carrie was in Oz, Ka was leaving for Singapore, Isa was in CDO, another friend just relocated to Cebu for a job, one was in London and other friends were either not in the country or shortly about to leave for somewhere. I was getting abandonment issues!
So what will I be doing with my life now that I've shaken the dust of Manual off my feet? Well, on to the next job, of course. Although not for several weeks, I guess. Much still needs to be discussed and I'm waiting for word on this. Wish I could make a living writing part-time. A friend once mentioned a travel magazine she wants me to have a role in. Now, that would be an ideal job! Writing for a travel magazine. You get the best of both worlds--traveling at somebody else's expense and the pleasure of coming home. That's the best part, I think.
What I'm watching right now: NUMB3RS. "Math is nature's language. Its method of communicating with us. Everything is numbers."--Dr. Charles Eppes. What an eye-opener! This is a series about an FBI special agent (Rob Morrow--the neurotic Dr. Fleishmann in Northern Exposure, hands down one of the best TV series for me) who gets his genius math professor younger brother, Charlie (David Krumholtz--Mr. Universe in Serenity, and Heath Ledger's sidekick in 10 Things I Hate About You) help him solve crimes. (BTW, as a digression: I also loved these two movies. Serenity is from Joss Whedon the guy who gave us Buffy the Vampire Slayer and 10 Things was I think a pretty decent adaptation of The Bard's Taming of the Shrew.) I particularly like it when the math genius in the show, Dr. Charlie Eppes, explains complicated mathematical concepts even a numbers-challenged moron like me can understand. This show brings out my very well-hidden inner math nerd. And one thing? For eye-candy, I can do worse than Rob Morrow and David Krumholtz. Apparently fans of the show feel the same. In some for this show, the jeans that Rob wears when the FBI goes on a raid even has a name: The Jeans of Justice!
What I'm reading now: The Moonstone by Wilkie Collins. Carrie's been raving about this book so when I saw it at a Booksale in Megamall for P50, I grabbed it. I'm just in the first chapter but it seems like a suck-you-in read. Just what I like.
